I have been called upon to wait upon my Queen while she and the Prince Consort visit this ghastly country. As you may be aware, they are in the Commonwealth of Virginia, where it seems gunfire may be directed in her direction at anytime, if the habits of the locals are any indication. Seeing that there would be little chance of any locals actually helping or fighting back, other than possibly sending Her Majesty an email, she felt it prudent to call upon her Knights of the Realm and other assorted noblemen to provide support and be prepared to return fire. The Queen will be visiting Jamestown where she will be shown the myriad ways that her subjects oppressed, and otherwise hurt the feelings of, the naked savages they found loitering about the place and the African slaves they brought along with them. We, of course, could not give a rip, seeing that oppression has always been a real Englishman's business. Lucky for you that there are only about five of us left. But I'll bet we could still oppress you if we could find a good tailor in this Godforsaken place...If one must oppress, then one should always do so in style...Anyway, that is why I have been away, and am still away...After seeing Her Majesty safely back to Albion, I will return to whatever it was I was talking about before. Thank you.
Sir Basil Seal