From Russia with Love...Nyet

Recent email (with glamour shots) sent to Basil Seal...Thank you so much for the information [Bal`shoe spa`siba za infar`matsiu].

Hello Dear!
How are you? My name is *****. I want to tell you about myself: I am
from Dnepropetrovsk, Ukraine. I have a higher education. I work as a
manager. I do not smoke and take alcohol in slight doses only on
special occasions. I like cleanness and domestic coziness. I’m calm
and domestic by character. I like
nature and animals very much. In summer I go to the country with my
friends. There I pick up berries and mushrooms.
I have some questions for you if you want to get to know me closer:
1/ Are you interested in serious relations with Russian woman?
2/ Are you planning to visit Russia?
3/ Would you like to correspond or to talk by phone?
4/ Why are you interested in Russian lady?
5/ Have you ever been to Russia?
6/ What is important for you in relations and am I right for you?
I will be waiting for your reply to *****.

Hello!
I am ***** from Russia. The people meet and they should thank the
chance in most of the cases. The fact that you are reading my profile
maybe is it that happy chance? Can you have a look at me, please? May
be after having some letters will we understand that we have something
in common and we want one and the
same in the family relations? Together with beloved person I’d like to
be glad for the life, to support him in all his beginnings and plans
and to share all his difficulties.
I am waiting for the letter back, *****

My name is ********. Do you know one of our Russian queen has the
same name.
I was born in Saint-Petersburg and I still live here. Its a nice city
that is considered to be one of the most cultural city in Europe and a
cultural centre of Russia. I love my city very much but I also adore
traveling and seeing new places and people.
Im very emotional and tender person with deep inner world and a good
intuition. I think I understand people very good and I always feel
sincere and insincere people.
I love when man has a good sense of humor, because it shows his
intellectual level as well.
My acquaintances call me feminine, affectionate and understanding
person. I have few true friends, but there are a lot of people I know
and get along very well.
My hobbies are various and I can hardly name something that Im not
interested in. I love most kinds of art, especially music and
literature. I love sports and I keep myself in a good shape. Look
forward to hear from you.

From: Basil
To: Lovely Russian Ladies looking for Love back in the US...

Thank you so much for sharing your most enticing personal information with me. While tempted by so much loveliness and yearning to hear those balalaikas ringing out, I must respectfully decline. You see, I am married to the Countess von Kneoble and if you have not guessed, she is German, with a very kapital Deutchland. If she were to discover my fratinization with you, the consequences for yourselves and your nation would be dire. (Not to mention my very painful death) Please keep in mind that the women of her family were expelled from Barvaria in 1938 because they frightened the Gestapo and were deemed a major threat to Nazi domination. Not the type of people you want to cross. The German High Command asked them to send two ladies back to break the army out of Stalingrad, but they refused out of spite. And yes all of them are still living, they do not die for the simple reason that they are too mean to enter Heaven and God cannot send them to Hell because he fears they will take over. So here they stay...Blitzkrieg ain't in it...So you see, my hands are tied, literally most of the time, and I cannot in good conscience expose you lovely ladies to a fate worse than death. My humble apologies, etc...Basil