What fresh hell is this?

I have discovered (much to my horror) that what I took to be a somewhat sick joke is in fact my new reality...Having received, via facsimile, an itinerary and photocopies of airline tickets, I now realize that on Tuesday I will be playing host to Mapp & Lucia. Yes, Mrs. P and The Card's Wife will be flying in to luncheon on Tuesday...Good Lord! With these two, I can imagine myself face down in the car park of a ghastly low rent shopping mall Tuesday afternoon, muttering like Kurtz, "the horror...the horror"...

I lay this firmly at the doorsteps of Mr. P and The Card...To unleash this duo on an unsuspecting city is bad enough, but to unleash it on me is even worse. And here, all this time, I thought these chaps liked me! Really, what have I done to deserve this? I ask you...At one point they had the mistaken impression that I would be pleased to escort them about town dressed in beastly rags from Wal-Mart...Please...I informed them that they better drape those middle-aged (but still desirable) Catholic house wife forms in St. Johns or, at least Talbots if they want to ride with me...The nerve of some people...

Of course the Countess has made herself scarce on Tuesday, and I think that after a phone call from Father M. the Arch Bishop is having second thoughts as well. Can't say that I blame the man...It seems I will have to face the music alone...

Well, there seems to be little I can do to avoid this fresh hell...As a gentleman of the old school, I must see it though...Of course these cunning little minx knew this all along. I must be off to set up the schedule and try and minimize all the damage that will occur to my social standing...Why me? I will give you a full report on Wednesday, if still living, wish me luck...